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A critique through Althusser.

The word deserve has always carried a deceptively noble weight. On the surface, it suggests fairness, an imagined balance between effort and outcome. But in my experience, it has functioned less as a moral guide and more as a tool of internal policing. It is a mirror that reflects socially approved versions of myself and a blade that cuts when I deviate. I have spent years wondering whether I deserved the love I received, or worse, the abuse I endured. Was I too loud, too soft, too trusting? Did I deserve pain, not because I was inherently bad, but because I had not yet proven myself good enough? These questions are not irrational. They are the product of ideology, not in the casual sense of opinion, but in the Althusserian sense of a lived, structured relationship to the world that masks deeper social realities.

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